the high road

I have wanted to post so many of the bullshit letters I have gotten from boys over the years but decided against it because things happen in relationships that are often unfair and hurtful, but they should stay between two people. After a period of time you would hope that the bullshit emails would decrease or cease, however, if you are me--well.. they don't. I received an email today from my psychotic ex-boyfriend, the one you guys have all heard about, the one that broke up with me, then was sorry, then wanted to mend things, STOP THE INSANITY. So, now that I am past the point of mopefest, I can post and hope you guys shit your pants.

I especially enjoyed his dichotomies, please note this was how he was towards me for a couple of months before we broke up. Yes, NO, yes, wait--I'm confused. And if any of you want to pick him up from the airport tonight, he's flying virgin and arriving at 10:45, he's really tall and sticks out like turd in a punch bowl. I'll be flossing my teeth or washing my hair.

I've shortened for attention spans.

nothing would hurt more than seeing you tomorrow night. Part of me sees you and I see someone who is very unique and wants to love so bad and i know that i hurt a part of you that you dont let very many people reach. and i am scared of facing that and looking in your eyes and seeing that hurt and knowing that i am the cause of some of it.im scared too because even though i may not be "in love" with you i know how deeply i love you and i know that at one time you felt that depth and i also know that until someone loves you deeper than that you wont be able to completely release our love. so yeah, to see you would be like pouring acid into a gaping wound.and then rubbing it with sandpaper.
but nothing would give me more Joy than seeing you. every memory with you brings a tinge of sadness but mostly a big smile. God, i loved it when you smiled. I worship that part of you that cared for me when i was down and also wouldnt accept less from me than what you knew i was capapable of. I learned so so much from being with you, even now, im trying hard to stay open when i think of you and not close my self off like ive always done in the past, part of me does say "screw it. move on. you dont have to ever see her again if you dont want to"
but deeper than that i know that im avoiding you because i am scared to face you and feel the pain of you closed off to me and my unwillingness to love you completely. want to see you tomorrow night. and i understand if you dont. ill be there flying from jfk on virgin at 1035. nothing would hurt more nothing would make me happier than to see you there. if not then I Love You. and we'll see each other another time.

yours,
anthony